Remembering a particularly hard to read tale from childhood

When I was a kid, I can't remember how we ended up with a copy of "The Winston Readers Primer" - A 1920s story collection for children. My Nan was an avid Jumble Sale scavenger, and used to unearth all sorts of 'treasures' in her weekly quests around the various jumbles in our locale. The Winston Primer's stories were a fairly unremarkable mix of nursery rhymes, classic fables and stories 'of the age' but one story in particular used to cause my mum to cry with laughter, to the point where she could rarely finish the story off (it had the same effect on my sister and I too - and definitely isn't a nice snuggly settle-down-to-sleep story, so be warned!)

On a whim I googled for the story, and astonishingly enough the first hit dished up the full text. A couple of hits down dished up the classic cover of the book the story was found in.




The book is out of print, the story - being a classic story - is out of copyright and freely available so I thought I'd reproduce it here and see if modern parents can fare any better than my mum, and get through it without laughing till they cry.

(I'm extremely cruel, she doesn't read this blog and doesn't know it yet but when she comes for a visit later this week, I'm going to give her the story and see if she can read it to Charlotte!)

Ladies, Gentlemen, Children and Pets, I give you "The Wee Wee Woman"

Once upon a time there was a wee, wee woman who lived all alone in a
wee, wee house.

One night this wee, wee woman lighted her wee, wee candle, crept softly
up her wee, wee stairs, got into her wee, wee bed, and fell fast
asleep. Soon this wee, wee woman was awakened by a noise. She jumped
out of her wee, wee bed, lighted her wee, wee candle and looked behind
her wee, wee door, but there was nothing there. Then she looked under
her wee, wee bed, but there was nothing there.

So this wee, wee woman took her wee, wee candle in her wee, wee hand,
crept softly down her wee, wee stairs and, when she reached the room
below, she looked under her wee, wee chair, but there was nothing
there. Then she looked into her wee, wee cupboard, but there was
nothing there. Then she looked behind her wee, wee stove, but there
was nothing there. Then she looked under her wee, wee table, but there
was nothing there.

So this wee, wee woman took her wee, wee candle in her wee, wee hand,
crept softly up her wee, wee stairs, got into her wee, wee bed and fell
fast asleep. Soon this wee, wee woman was awakened by a noise. She
jumped out of her wee, wee bed, lighted her wee, wee candle and looked
behind, her wee, wee door, but there was nothing there. Then she
looked under her wee, wee bed, but there was nothing there.

So this wee, wee woman took her wee, wee candle in her wee, wee hand,
crept softly down her wee, wee stairs, and, when she reached the room
below, she looked under her wee, wee chair, but there was nothing
there. Then she looked into her wee, wee cupboard, but there was
nothing there. Then she looked behind her wee, wee stove, but there
was nothing there. Then she looked under her wee, wee table, but there
was nothing there.

So this wee, wee woman took her wee, wee candle in her wee, wee hand,
crept softly up her wee, wee stairs, got into her wee, wee bed and fell
fast asleep. Soon this wee, wee woman was awakened by a noise. She
jumped out of her wee, wee bed, lighted her wee, wee candle and looked
behind her wee, wee door, but there was nothing there. Then she looked
under her wee, wee bed, but there was nothing there.

So this wee, wee woman took her wee, wee candle in her wee, wee hand,
crept softly down her wee, wee stairs, and, when she reached the room
below, she looked under her wee, wee chair, but there was nothing
there. Then she looked into her wee, wee cupboard, but there was
nothing there. Then she looked behind her wee, wee stove, but there
was nothing there. Then she looked under her wee, wee table and out
jumped--BOO!!!