So it finally happened then - Mr Cowell and Son enter the children's book business - This Week's ReadItTorial

I'm at a point where nothing in the above summary surprises me, nor excites me in the way a new children's book announcement should.

Oh and just to prove that nothing is original under the sun, I'd racked my brains for days trying to remember the name of a book that featured a similar idea - and it was this one from Ana and Thiago De Moraes, published by Andersen Press back in 2015: https://readitdaddy.blogspot.com/2015/10/the-zoomers-by-ana-and-thiago-de-moraes.html



(There are actually several books that use the same story mechanic, but I'm sure Simon must've read lots and lots of children's books before he crowdsourced for ideas for his 'epic' - after all, no one could possibly ignore the advice that to write for children you've got to have at least read a few children's books - and researched what your audience are into, right?)

If you read my original readitorial about Cowell's braggardly pre-deal musings on children's books (They're all 'boring' apparently) I rather naively predicted failure for Mr Cowell purely because at the time it sounded like he assumed he could just put any old tosh together and it would sell. But as we all know, writing children's books is phenomenally hard - and folk who believe they can just rattle out a whole series of kids books 'just like that' are often sadly mistaken. 

But ah, how stupid could I be? This is Simon Cowell we are talking about. At first I wondered why it had taken so long for his book deal to go through - but then I realised why. The man is a business genius, regardless of what you think of his music empire - and has obviously been analysing the children's book market in the time between when this was originally mooted as an idea, until the deal announcement with Hachette (a gigantic multinational publisher) today. 

Simon Cowell has cleverly done several things here that reinforce the deal, that may ensure sales and success, and that would win over an agent or a publisher (because by gad, the book pitch sounds like the very worst thing we've ever read, it almost sounds like something someone would come up with if they'd never read a children's book in their life. I hate being critical about something, sight unseen, but be honest - if you were an agent or a commissioning editor and you'd heard a pitch like that from a 'nobody' you'd have laughed them out of the place, right?) 

Simon has also brought his son on board for this project. Fair enough, he makes enough noise that his son may one day inherit his music making empire - and that he loves going to the shows and loves being involved - and to be honest, being a dad that engages with their kids when you're a music supremo is definitely something to be lauded. Naturally if there's a children's book in the offing, what better way to tug at the heart strings of prospective purchasers than bring your kid along for the ride. In fact thinking about the pitch, it does sound awfully like the sort of story a kid might dream up - so perhaps that could account for it (as a side note, does anyone remember that series of fruit-and-vegetable based ladybird books that a child author came up with in the 80s? I can't understand why, but I kept thinking about those when I was reading about this project). 

Then I started to get a bit annoyed. There's the whole ticking the boxes notion of making the books about individuality, diversity and positivity. That's right, dig into the 'trends' that will also ensure your book gets plenty of fuss, because it's easier to pass off a terrible pitch if you drop in a few buzzwords and popular themes that do well for others in the kidlit industry (we need to ensure you understand that we do not think these things are bad in children's books - but it feels horribly like they're being used as icing on a particularly undercooked cake). I hate that this happens enough out there in the 'real' world of kidlit, when these trends are tapped into purely for 'token' value. Real proper diverse books that celebrate individuality and positivity are very easy to spot - they don't fanfare this stuff, they just weave it into their stories and let the reader determine whether they work or not. 

Oh and in a similar vein, hah, there's the whole 'charitable donations' thing. A portion of the profits will go to children's charities (not all, because the publisher and Simon & Son still need to make some dough, right? Books don't print / pay for themselves, so it must be the reason, of course, I mean let's not assume for one minute that Simon would be using his vast personal fortune for this stuff rather than eating into the funds of a publisher who could've spent the money funding a few dozen debut authors whose work could genuinely fit into all the above categories!)

This is the only bit of this that I'm actually down for, and I think if this wasn't in the mix in some shape or form, this whole idea would be getting even more of a lambasting on Twitter than it's already getting. It's also the part of all this that makes me feel like a bit of a git writing a damning blog post about the whole idea.

My wise wife also pointed something out. When these books arrive, amidst their blizzard of PR and media pushing, they will inevitably fall into the hands of a kid who absolutely adores them. For some kids it might be their only book, and for some it might be the first picture book they encounter - and hopefully the very thing that leads them onto a reading journey, hopefully discovering other "proper" authors along the way. This is the one thing I solemnly hope happens out of this. Kids do get hooked on 'series' books early on, as sure as adults love sequel movies. So as surprising as a 7 book deal is in a risk-averse business like children's publishing, hooking kids into a series does actually make sense (by risk averse I mean that kidlit really does play it safe in the UK and US compared to other territories, certain trends, themes and stories seem to crop up again and again, endlessly remixed - so it's definitely not a risk-taking business at all).

Ugh I know, I'm going on a bit now - I really don't know when to stop but this point was also worth picking up on. Eric's involvement. Now, any parent will tell you that even the most capable creative kids can indeed come up with great ideas, weird whacked-out inspiration for authors and illustrators or other creatives, but when it comes to writing real and proper actual children's books that scan properly, and don't read / sound like a piano being hurled down a flight of concrete stairs - well that's another story entirely. I love the idea that Cowell has involved his son, but again I think it's just another cynical ploy to pluck at the heart strings of prospective book buyers (but I guess it'll be a great experience for little Eric - but please I urge folk not to be cruel to the poor kid off the back of this, no kid deserves to be the focus of anything nasty or negative just because you don't like their parents).

There is one positive in this whole project. The illustrator, whoever they are, will have landed a 'dream' gig on paper - being attached to something like this can only do their career the world of good, assuming of course that Cowell's massive ego will allow them to get any sort of equal credit.

Don't be surprised if the illustrator is pushed firmly to the background though, it is the industry norm after all whenever celebrity books happen - but I sincerely wish them the best of luck. From the short summary of the story and the core idea, they're going to have their work cut out making something cool out of this. It'd be somewhat ironic if Axel Scheffler got the gig, since the whole premise sounds an awful lot like his mixed-up animals flip books (as super blogger pal and superhero librarian - BookLoverJo - quite rightly pointed out). One last thing about the illustrator. They do not deserve your scorn or need to be the focus of your annoyance about this. They are doing what illustrators do, using their skills to earn a living - and let's not forget that some of the best illustrators in the business (Tony Ross, Chris Riddell) have done famously off the back of celebrity books.

There was one other thing I noted in the various Twitter rants about this - and that was watching well-established authors rounding on Hachette for their decision. I don't really understand this at all, I doubt that there would be a publisher (large multinational or otherwise) that would have passed this up if they'd had a shot at it (though I would hope there would be a few that would 'ethically' tell Cowell to go jump in a lake). Hachette is a large business, and they've been doing this a while so I doubt they're walking into this like a bunch of greenhorns. They will know exactly what they're going to get out of this deal, even if the books don't sell in huge amounts. 

Again though, this is just my horrible, cynical take on something that we haven't even seen hide nor hair of yet, and it does sound a bit like trolling to be so damning of the mere idea of these books existing. But when the gnashing of teeth and wailing on the internet pipes up every time a new celebrity book deal is announced, there's far more to it than authors just feeling that their noses have been pushed out of joint, and prospective authors have once again been passed over for the cult of celebrity to jump their place in the queue.

But be honest, we know why this happens again and again, all of us truly do know.